It wasn’t a sudden realization but one that was long overdue.
10-12 year olds referred to me as ‘Aunty’ and Bankers and Sales people on phones chose to talk to me rather than ask for my parents. I was a fool not to have expected it and I try hard not to pay attention to the gloomy truth. I am referring to ‘Growing’. And that brings the unfortunate burden of ‘Maturity’ . One too complex to define but maybe I can finally try to do so.
While I laugh now at why a matrimonial website is called simplymarry.com and why they would consider me to be a likely candidate or why Birla Sun Life wants to sell me Life Insurance, I realise that soon I will procced from- Too young to Not so young to Not that young and then ‘old enough to be independent and dependable’, the tags changing sooner than one can hope for. The pessimist in me practically points out that its the way of life-perhaps that is what it is to ‘Mature’. It is to realise that growing older is inevitable so you have to get bolder to face consequences of actions you perform-unwittingly or unwillingly and replace the concept of happiness that you held in your adolescence with one of simple contentment and nothing more.
Perhaps I, known for expressing my opinions and viciously defending them on matters close to my heart, albeit ready to reason calmly in my sometimes unpleasantly screechy voice,will have to be quiet, knowing that I will make few social contacts in the future and may not have the luxury of keeping up with the few friends I do have.
I recently realised with slow-horror that my feelings towards war, disease, plunder, genocide, exile and other forms of violence plaguing the earth apart from the depletion of natural resources which are not renewable and pollution of those which are, were almost ‘unlike myself’. But ‘I’ am changing. Perhaps this is what it means to mature-To realise that the world is not as I perceived it to be because there are too many sides to each issue and its connection to many more issues means I will never be able to fully understand or empathise with one particular side for too long. I reason that I am not too rich, intelligent or brave to start a movement. And we all know that no movement ever gathers enough steam in this news-generating era. Objectivity and knowledge come with the cross of apathy we have to bear,journeying on a path strewn with so many bumps.
I still feel strongly towards all of these issues but I might soon be callous-probably the best defense to stop from venting one’s frustration and revealing one’s susceptibility as we attempt to seem sophisticated. We need the company of those very individuals driving us insane, in order, to be sane. And progressing from Not so Young to “Mature and Wise” means learning to project a different version of yourself depending on whom you interact with, slowly moulding oneself into the ultimate adaptor with utmost confidence and panache.